Kelly went crazy, y'all.

My handy, dandy soda bottle holder!

2012-01-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

I had posted the pics of this on Ravelry.com, but here it is if you would like to make it yourself... I'm too lazy to post a pic of it right now, so just click on the link below to see it :)

http://www.ravelry.com/projects/kellywentcrazy/handy-dandy-soda-bottle-holder

Round 1: Ch 2, 6 sc in 1st ch. Join with slip stitch in first sc. (6 sc)

Round 2: Ch 1, 2 sc in each stitch around. Join with slip stitch in first sc. (12 sc)

Round 3: Ch 1, (2 sc in next sc, 1 sc in next sc) around. Join with slip stitch in first sc. (18 sc)

Round 4: Ch 1, (2 sc in next sc, 1 sc in next 2 sc) around. Join with slip stitch in first sc. (24 sc)

Round 5: Ch 1, (2 sc in next sc, 1 sc in next 3 sc) around. Join with slip stitch in first sc. (30 sc)

Round 6: Ch 1, (2sc in next sc, 1 sc in next 4sc) around. Join with slip stitch in first sc. (36 sc)

Round 7: Ch 1 (1sc in each sc around)

From here on, don’t end each row with a sl st, just work in the round until height measures approx. 6 1/2 inches.

Handle: without fastening off, Ch 1 and turn. Sc in next 5 sc.
Ch 1, turn, Sc in each of next 5 sc. Continue until handle is approx. 12 1/2 inches.
Find the middle of the other side of the drink holder so you can attach the handle to the other side (with sc)
Fasten off.

I'd Forgotten What I'd Been Looking For

2011-10-26T05:50:00.001-07:00

From Dani The Great, a suggestion on a blog topic:

"Beginning and sustaining a relationship while maintaining a challenging illness."

FIRST of all, this is one hell of a challenge, because I write SOUTHERN HUMOR-type blogs. This topic sounds about as funny as a root canal.

At any rate, I view this as a challenge. So, here goes:

___________________

So, I met this dude...

...when I was a baby.

Our fathers once worked together and our parents were friends with each other.

I hung around his sister because we were in the same grade. I had no idea that he was actually my age, and the sister was older than me. So, I viewed him as 'my friend's annoying little brother.'

Fast-forward to modern times...

I added him on Facebook and then pretty much ignored him. I remembered him as he was when he was a little boy and hadn't seen him since WELL before puberty.

He messaged me a few times, etc., but nothing much came of it.

One day, my WONDERFUL friend, who knows this guy well, told me to give him a chance. I resisted a bit, but gave in.

WTF was I thinking when I was ignoring him all this time?!

He took me out on an amazing, romantic first date and we hit it off instantly. That poor guy, he's not gonna be able to get rid of me. He's been claimed. And, I suspect, he's pretty damn OK with it. He's already been to my family reunion AND met Dani The Great, and he hasn't run off screaming into the night, so he's not easily scared off.

That said...

He had no idea I have Multiple Sclerosis before we went out. And, frankly, I had to ask him (Hereby referred to as 'Hot Mess', a name my MADD BFFs have coined for him, because they think he's hot and has to put up with my mess) when and how he found out about the MS. His reaction was so minimal that I didn't even remember telling him.

He told me that, as long as I take my meds, he's totally cool with it all. He even said he'd take care of me if it ever came to that.

Considering the fact that I needed a cane to walk about two months ago and quickly eliminated my use/need for said cane, I don't foresee me needing ANYONE to take care of me ANYTIME soon. I'm much too stubborn and independent for that crap. Also, as I've said to more than one person... There is a lot to be said for prayer and steroids.

It's nice to have someone to remind me to take my meds, though, as I tend to be a forgetful soul.

What was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah...

Hot Mess.

As much as I hold dear my ability to rely on myself, I have to admit that it's awful damn nice to have someone to lean on in my dark, weak moments. I'm not sure humans, in general, are meant to walk this world alone. I have a big ass load to carry (y'all don't be thinking I'm talking about my ACTUAL ASS, smartasses) and having someone to help me tote all this is pretty sweet.

My basic take on the whole thing is this:

If someone TRULY cares about you, it doesn't matter WHAT is wrong with you. All that person sees is what is RIGHT with you.

Fat, Happy, and F F F Freezing!

2011-05-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

I can never manage to get my pool all the way clear, no matter what I try.

However, today, I got it as clear as I could today, and Garrett and I decided to jump in.

HOLY CRAP, THAT WATER IS STILL COLD!!!

Even Garrett got right back out, and that says a lot! That kid will swim in water til he gets hypothermia. Boys always act like they aren't cold, anyway. It's how they show toughness, I guess. Either way, he lasted about ten minutes in the pool and declared he'd rather watch TV.

Taking advantage of the fact that I already had my suit on, I decided to lay out and get some good ole' Vitamin D. It felt good, and it was pretty relaxing. I started thinking, though...

A lot of commercials talk about "fitting into your bikini for summer." I have a bikini. I can fit into it.
The thing I would be most concerned about is how many children would run away from me, screaming, covering their eyes. haha

Screw this, I'm going to go watch TV.

The price of beauty. About 14 bucks.

2011-05-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been broke. And, by 'lately', I mean for the last few years.

This past year, however, I had been splurging on getting blonde foil highlights.

They looked pretty damn good. I miss them.
It took almost $200 each time to get that done. Not anyone can pull off blonde highlights on hair that's almost black, not without making the hair look like red Georgia clay.

HOWeverrrr... I don't really have the funds for such a splurge, so I had to resort to doing them myself at home and getting Supercuts haircuts.

Yes, I am still pouting.

At any rate, here I sit with "Step Two" in my hair. I did the all-over color day before yesterday and I'm just getting around to doing the highlights. Damn, how I miss going to Stella Nova.

I have a few more minutes to go, but I know it won't be that fabulous blonde that only the expert stylist can achieve. I just don't have that luxury this week.
I had to do SOMETHING, since my grays were staring back at me in the mirror.

I was just thinking... Isn't it funny how long women take to put on their makeup, to achieve the 'natural look'?

Anyway, I just got out of the shower and dried my hair. Meh. Nothing like mousy brown with streaks of Georgia clay.

Guess I'll have to go to Maybelline and get my 'natural face' on.

Day 29/30: In This Past Month, What Have You Learned, and What Is Your Favorite Song?

2011-03-28T06:09:00.000-07:00

So, it has taken me two flippin' months to do a 30 day challenge.

I have learned nothing important.

I already knew I was a professional procrastinator.

I have learned that my fake nails are entirely too long and it has been seriously affecting my typing speed.

And so... for your listening pleasure... a song for people who procrastinate... Loser... LOL!

There's no 27, so...

2011-03-18T20:27:00.000-07:00

Since in my original '30 Days Of Blogs' had no number 27, I'm gonna just ignore it.

So... I'm gonna do this one:
Day Twenty eight - A picture from you last year, and now. What has changed since then?

Last year, I was about ten pounds lighter. So, yeah... I'm not a fan of that topic, either.

Today's a dud. Maybe I shouldn't be blogging at near midnight after a looooong day. I'm gonna have to sleep on this...

Day 26: What Do I Think About My Friends?

2011-03-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

My friends are very patient folk.

I often flake out on stuff bc of laziness or health or just forgetting all about what I was supposed to be doing.

This morning, I flaked out on a lunch with the girls because I fell asleep. I really missed out bc those chicks be CRAZY! They are fun people. I'm blessed, even though I'm sure they talked much smack about me while I was lyin around on my big ass.

Speaking of forgetfulness...

I think I can honestly blame this one on the MS attack and the meds I'm taking for it. I forgot my beloved pockabook at the barber shop yesterday.

At first, I was afraid I had left it at the park. You never know what kind of people are hanging around in parks... creepy dog walkers, hiking hippies, perverts, perverted hiking hippie dogs...

However, my very smart boyfriend, Neil (pictured below in all his smart-ness)

was pretty sure of himself that I had actually left it at the barber shop. But, when I had finally figured out my pockabook was missing, it was after it had done closed and I had to flippin' wait.

So, this morning at 7:56, I called up to the barber shop and Lo and Behold, my purse was there! Yay!
Now Mama can git her nails did...

Day 25: What You Would Find In My Bag

2011-03-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

Day 24: A Letter To Your Parents

2011-03-07T09:27:00.001-08:00

Dear Parents,

I will address y'all separately, since you divorced when I was nine and y'all never really got along before OR after...

Daddy:
I really miss you. I wish you didn't smoke so damn much, because you'd probably still be here.
I should have listened to you on more than one occasion, you were always a better judge of character than me. I always tried too hard to see the good in people. You knew that looking THAT hard always meant there was too much bad stuff over it.

You taught me what a real man was supposed to act like and you always had awesome friends. As a matter of fact, I'm still friends with YOUR friends. They are really good people. Sometimes, they even look out for me. I wonder if you told them to?

Anyways, have fun with Kasey and give her a kiss for me. I miss y'all way too much than normal, but that's just because I love you.

Mom:
You are one crazy old broad.
That's probably why I love you so much.
You taught me the importance of family and that we should defend each other til the end. You never gave up on me.

Mom, you gave me a heart of gold. You showed me by example that helping others fills your heart and gives life meaning.

You are definitely more than meets the eye. You came from a rough life and became a great mother and a great friend.

Take good care of yourself, because I still need you around.

Love,
Kelly

p.s. I'm sorry for ages 2-23. I was such an asshole.

Day 23: Something I Crave A Lot

2011-03-07T07:25:00.000-08:00

I'm a fat, middle-aged woman... what do you THINK I'd crave?

Food and sex.

In that order.

Don't combine both, though, because I'm liable to bite something that should not be bitten.

Day 22: What Makes Me Different From Everyone Else

2011-03-03T17:29:00.000-08:00

Short. Gap-toothed. Hearty laugh.

Crazy in a few different ways.

Spontaneous, perverted personality (that one was from my niece, Shelby.)

Normal is boring. So, I doubt very much that I'm boring. I'm not exactly Mizz Excitement, either.

I'm pretty sure I haven't embraced my age, yet. I'm 35 years old, but I certainly don't act it (ignore the crocheting part).

I have been through some pretty hairy situations and have endured things that many people haven't (thankfully, rather me than them). However, I keep on keepin' on and manage to stay grounded.
Sometimes I try to be normal, but other times I try like hell NOT to be normal. Sometimes I'm pretty dang proud of myself. while other times I reign myself in and remember I need to be humble.

I'm an individual. Nobody is exactly like me. I like it that way.

Other than that, I can't think of much else. What makes you different?

Day 21: A Picture Of Something That Makes Me Happy

2011-03-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

OF FRICKIN' COURSE, you know my kids make me happy. That's a given. I mean, being given the opportunity to pass on my AWESOMENESS DNA to a living being? Do whaaaa?

What else makes me happy?

Yarn.

Lots and lots of yarn!!!

I love yarn so much that I'd even drive this

And my tattoo artist really, really wants me to get a crochet tattoo (but where to put it???)

I love making things for other people. Not everyone appreciates (or knows) how much time goes into each item I make, and I know it's not the most exciting thing in the world to do... I mean, have you EVER heard, "I wanna do something AWESOME today! You wanna go skydiving, bungee jumping, or make THIS..."

At any rate, it's a hobby. Hobbies can be relaxing and fulfilling. Finishing a project and being proud of what I made is so rewarding. I'm so blessed that I have the ability to create. So what if I'm not Da Vinci or Martha. I can crochet something to keep your head warm (or anything else you want to keep warm, seriously. They have patterns for EVERYTHING...)

I can be completely broke, yet whip up a gift that you will be able to use or display or whatever you want to do with it... I have a YARN STASH!

*

(wait, how did she get in there again???)

*note: this is not my yarn stash. I wanted that yarn stash until I started wondering how much of that naked lady had touched the yarn, so I cannot possibly want it any more.

**another note: please buy me more yarn.

Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future

2011-03-01T15:03:00.000-08:00

Well, today has been filled with text message from my ex (business only, of course). Therefore, today's blog topic doesn't thrill me much.

We all know I've met a wonderful man. I'm keeping him.
The problem is, what if he turns into my ex? :::shudder::: Nah, I don't think he will...

I've been getting quite a bit done today. I was going to go back to bed after I got the kids off to school, but I went walking with my neighbor instead. There's something about a good walk in the morning that does a body good.

When I got home, my blood was already pumping. I chose to utilize this rare energy and de-furred my living room and shined my sink (a la FlyLady).

I'm giving myself the night off from cooking. Tonight is cereal or Ramen night.

Day 19: Nicknames you have and why you have them

2011-02-25T14:15:00.000-08:00

What do YOU think my nickname is???

Day Eighteen: Plans/dreams/goals I have.

2011-02-24T20:26:00.000-08:00

can I pass on this one? lol

The ones I have aren't big ones. I am thinking more like FlyLady stuff... cleaning and decluttering.
That was plans and goals, and is probably just a dream...

Day Seventeen - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

2011-02-23T05:35:00.000-08:00

I'd love to switch lives with a hot, rich dude. I'd be shopping and touching myself all day long!!! hahahaha

And to entertain your brains, here are some hot, rich dudes...

Who is YOUR man candy?

Day 16: Another Picture of Yourself

2011-02-22T21:08:00.000-08:00

This is the old Kelly.

The one who thought her marriage was just fine. The one who wondered why she had to walk so fast to catch up to him, why he held Garrett's hand and left me behind.

This is the Kelly who thought it was normal for life to be the way it was.

This is the Kelly who was still in shock from losing Kasey, who had no idea why the decline of life as she knew it was so obvious to everyone else but her.

I wish I could have told her to RUN!!!

Now that I've gotten through so many rough things, the New Kelly isn't as affected by things so much anymore. Sure, I have my days, but things that really screw up other people don't bother me nearly as much. I've been through worse.

Not many people love themselves. I used to hate myself. But, the things I've gone through in the past five years have made me see myself for who I really am.

I am more than my lack of makeup, my big head, my Martin Nose, and the gap in between my front teeth.

I'm a survivor. I'm broken, but I am still here. I am loved. I am hurting. I am smart. I am scared. I'm not your average woman, but I'm completely normal. I'm probably one of the most sane people you'll ever meet, but I'm crazy as hell.

I'm far from perfect. I get jealous, I screw up, I gossip, and I eat and sleep way too much. I'm human. I'm also funny, have a heart of gold, and make great things happen.

Do you love YOURSELF?

Day 15: Put Your iPod On Shuffle: First 10 Songs That Play

2011-02-22T04:47:00.000-08:00

Okay, I have to admit a deep, dark secret... One that I'm awfully ashamed of...

I

Don't

Own

an iPod.

BUT WAIT! I do have iTunes on my MacBook, that counts! If I want to listen to music while I'm out and about, I just put Pandora on my phone and stick my earphones in.

I'm going to look at my iTunes, though... Here goes:
Darius Rucker's Learn To Live album
Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews Band
Sattellite by Dave Matthews Band
Sleeping To Dream by Jason Mraz
Gravity by John Mayer
I'm Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer
Straight To Hell by Matt Nathanson
Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson
Sober by P!nk
Glitter In The Air by P!nk

Not much in the way of variety, now that I look at it. Oh, well.

I've skipped a few days. Haven't been in the best of moods, either. My son was at his dad's, and while I enjoyed the break, I miss the FOOL out of him. I was also the only one in the house because my sister and niece were in Atlanta (niece is one of those competition cheerleaders and they had a competition) and Kamrin was hanging out at her bestfriend's house.

It was just too dang quiet.

I DID, however, do a sh!t-ton of laundry and crocheting. Plenty of sleeping, as well. I could have done more, but there really wasn't anyone around to motivate me. I am terrible at self-motivation unless I'm working.
Oh, and I went to Kamrin's first softball tournament of the season. That was a long day, but it was pretty fun. I love watching that girl catch a softball and swing a bat.

Anyway, that's it for now. :)
.....AND NOW FOR SOME BREAST HAT...

Day 14: A Picture of You and Your Family

2011-02-17T06:42:00.000-08:00

I have a LOT of family. So, here are a few pictures...

Me and the Earth kids:

My Heaven kid:

***

Mom (see where I get the crazy from?):

***

Daddy:

***
Sister:

***

Brother:

***

I have nephews, nieces, in-laws... you name it. However, this post would be fifty pages long if I posted them, but I hope they know that I love them ALL!

All I know is, families are forever and everyone thinks they are the only normal one in their family. Hell, I know *I* am...

Day 13: A Letter To Someone Who Has Hurt You Recently

2011-02-15T19:09:00.000-08:00

For real?!

This cannot end well.

I have to admit, that past this sexy exterior, I'm easily hurt. Then, I get mad. Real mad. Usually, if I lash out at someone, it's because I got my feelings hurt. I'm pretty much like an injured animal that way, I guess.

"Don't try to pick it up, it'll give you rabies!"
"What do I do, then? I just can't let it suffer! I have to help it!"
"Reverse, gas. Drive, gas. Repeat if necessary."

Then, I buy myself something.

Today, I bought myself some tulips and stuck em in a mason jar. That's just good decoratin'.

What do you do when someone hurts your feelings? Do you sit there and feel sorry for yourself? Or, do you do something about it? Do you kick someone's ass, or do you puff up and walk away?

Day 12: How You Found Out About Blogger and Why You Have One

2011-02-13T14:14:00.000-08:00

I have a LiveJournal, but I like Blogger better.

This assignment was boring.

Day 11: Another Picture of You and Your Friends

2011-02-12T16:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am unhappy with today's assignment.

However, I will still do it, but with a twist... The first one with me and a friend will get posted, no shopping through them.
this WILL be fair.

Awesome!

This makes me pretty excited for the Flowertown Festival! You ready, Cilla?!

Day Ten - Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.

2011-02-11T20:15:00.001-08:00

I'm super tired, so let's see if I can still crank this out...

When I am happy, I like Matt Nathanson, some newer country, and Dum Dum by Brenda Lee.

Sad:

Bored... I'll listen to pretty much anything when I'm bored.

When I'm hyped, I'll listen to heavy metal or stuff I can dance to.

When I'm mad, I listen to

I've had a pretty good day, except I finally got my MRI results. I was diagnosed with MS in November of '06. I had ONE lesion in my brain.
Now, I have FOUR.

They aren't active lesions, they are just... there.

This ain't good, it's pretty heavy stuff. I know that whatever happens, happens. It's sobering, though, because I have a lot of really good days when I feel just great and it's easy to forget that I have a disease. Days like this, it's REAL.
I'll be fine, I just have to digest it.

Day 9: Something I'm Proud Of In The Past Few Days

2011-02-10T05:01:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to get a better handle on my messy house. That in itself is a feat of epic proportions.

Also, last night I made dinner for the missionaries. I didn't have time to actually cook, so I relied on good ole' Mrs. Mac and, I'm ashamed to say, INSTANT mashed potatoes. I'm going to kitchen hell for that one.

(Every Southern Woman prides herself on her home cookin'. I am not about to say I'm a bad cook, but I'm picky as hell and always in a hurry. Not a good combination. Also, NEVER, EVER, under ANY circumstances, criticize a woman's ability to cook. That's right up there with saying, "Yep, that dress DOES make your butt look big."

To reiterate:
Don't call a woman a bad cook. If it's burnt or flavorless, shut up and eat it with a smile.

Don't call a woman fat. If she sets the trap and says, "I'm fat," DENY DENY DENY!!!)

Can you picture me on Iron Chef? With my packets of mashed potato flakes and canned green beans?
I'd be worried as hell about whatever that "Secret Ingredient" would be, because there's no Hamburger Helper for squid.

Anyway, enjoy this video... and try not to say "Beeyeeeerrrrrr!!!" out loud too much today. Or... actually, DO.

Day 8: Short Term Goals For This Month and Why

2011-02-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

I don't have very lofty goals for this month, but here's a short list:

1. Do this 30 day blog

2. Make a few more of the CUTEST newborn/preemie hats like pictured above

3. Walk a little bit more than I eat

4. Work on my patience

5. Be more frugal

6. Make more friggin hats. I'm up to my ears in hats and still have lots more to do.

I'm realizing that hobbies are only fun when you want to do them, not when you have to do them...

Nighttime

2011-02-08T19:33:00.000-08:00

It is really hard to do the victims impact panels sometimes.
I'm so emotionally spent right now, and the emotions are swimming around inside my head and I need to let them out.

Tonight, I made the mistake of watching Kasey's video before my speech. I usually speak first and then play the video. I was so hypnotized by how beautiful and special my little girl was. I couldn't stop staring at her. I've always thought she was such a pretty little girl, but tonight.... she was beautiful.

Sigh...

Time for bed.

Day 7: A Picture of Someone/Something That Has The Biggest Impact On Me

2011-02-08T06:02:00.000-08:00

Seriously?

You have no clue what has impacted me the most?

OF COURSE, it's Kasey. It is really, really hard to share her story with everyone, but it would be way harder NOT to share her story.

I miss her every second of every minute of every day. I remember how her soft, curly hair felt on my face, how she held her hands out for me to paint her fingernails.

I'm also going to mention my biggest influence...

Daddy

He was a gruff, no-nonsense man with a heart of gold. Whenever I get into my victim, poor-Kelly state of mind, I can hear him telling me to quit my whining and do something about it.

He is the only man I could ever (and will ever) trust.

Standing at a towering 5'4" and weighing in at 136 lbs., he was afraid of no one and never minced words. He was absolutely NEVER politically correct and didn't give a damn about what anyone else thought.

If I run into someone that I knew was a friend of Daddy, I know they are 'good people.' Gary Martin was an excellent judge of character and didn't clutter his life with people who weren't worth his time.

When I worked with him at Bosch, my main motivation for working my ass off was to impress my father. And I did. There was no way in hell I'd embarrass him or give anyone a reason to tell him I wasn't up to par. I wanted him to be proud of me. There was nothing more important that that.

I think I need to remind myself that he's still watching over me and that I need to, as he would say, get my ass in gear.

LOVE YOU, Daddy.

Day 6: Favorite Superhero and Why

2011-02-07T07:15:00.000-08:00

I'm not much of a comic book *nerd. So, I actually had to wiki the term 'superheroes.'

After looking through all the choices, I chose one that I didn't need to wiki at all... Spiderman.

I think he's just your average dork with a crush on a pretty girl. I like that, because I don't want some rich asshole running around in tights (i.e. Batman.) If I wanted that, I'd pick Elton John.

Good ole Peter Parker (whose name makes me giggle) was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was bitten by a spider and voila! He can shoot stuff out of his palm and swing around everywhere. If his superhero gig doesn't end up working out, I'm sure he can get a job at Barnum & Bailey as an acrobat. Or, he could just weave up some safety nets.

Cool tattoo in

3...

2...

1...

*I actually love nerds.

Day 5: A Picture of Somewhere I've Been

2011-02-05T07:20:00.000-08:00

Oh, where, Oh, where have I been?

As I'm much too lazy to actually find the real pictures of said places, I will use good ole Photobucket...

My absolute favorite place is Pike's Market in Seattle.

Yes, that's the place where the dudes throw the fish

I've been to the butthole of the world, Allentown, PA...

My favorite place in the world... MAINE!

Day 4: A Habit I Wish I Didn't Have

2011-02-04T06:18:00.001-08:00

I made it to day four!

Today's post is a habit I wish I didn't have. Well, that's easy.

I eat just for the hell of it.

As Freud would say, I have an oral fixation.

When I used to smoke, I lost a good bit of weight. I smelled awful, but I had less of me. Now, I've gained all that weight back and I suppose I've substituted cigarettes for Doritos. And chocolate. And kool-aid. And potato chip sandwiches.

Right now, I'm the weight I always said I would never reach. I've always said I would take better care of myself than this. However, depression and laziness has made my body into a caricature of my family genes.

My pants keep wanting to roll down in the front and I am constantly pulling at the front of my shirt (so it won't stick to my body). I get winded way more easily and I break into a sweat putting on my Spanx.

Eating feels good while I'm doing it. I feel like crap afterward, though. What sucks is the fact that humans HAVE TO eat. With smoking, I could just quit, I didn't need a smoke every now and then to maintain my health. Food is necessary, so I can't just avoid it altogether. I know about the better choices I need to make, but unless they come up with bacon-flavored lettuce, I'm not gonna enjoy it.

I can't wait to read about YOUR bad habits.

Day Three: A Picture of You & Your Friends

2011-02-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

I am one blessed gal.

I have a LOT of friends.

PLUS, I know who my real friends are. The past few years of my life have been like a giant sifter, sifting out the good and the bad. And, let me tell you... My friends are the best!

So, I'm not gonna post a picture of me and my friends. I know you all are half-crazy, just like me (birds of a feather), and whoever I forget is gonna get all pissed at me. I'm not taking that bait!!!

Day Two: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

2011-02-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

Well, if you've ever met me, you wouldn't be askin'.

I am one. crazy. beeyotch.

I'm the good kind of crazy, though. The older I get, though, the more I realize that I'm not so crazy, after all. I mean, compared to most other people.

I mean, have you even WATCHED Hoarders? Geez.

I used to think I had it all together. And, for the most part, I did.

Then I had kids.

Plus, you know the crap I've been through. How can anyone possibly stay sane after that? Really?

I think, though, that if I didn't have some crazy runnin' around in my head, I wouldn't be here right now. Being crazy and having the ability to laugh in stressful situations helps to relieve the pressure of the moment. Nobody can hold it all together through all situations. I know the good Lord gave me my sense of humor and a few loose screws for a reason.

Plus, it is WAY less boring this way.

That 30 Day Challenge I Was Talkin' About.

2011-02-02T05:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, here is that challenge I was talking about. I dare you all to try it. I'm gonna do today's from the hospital, I think. Please say a prayer for Neil, he keeps getting complications from the surgery and so the doctors haven't even discussed a release date.

At any rate, here is the list. Good luck, have fun, and enjoy!

Day One- A recent picture of yourself and fifteen interesting facts.

Day Two- The meaning behind your blog name.

Day Three -A picture of you and your friends.

Day Four- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.

Day Five- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.

Day Six- Favorite super hero and why.

Day Seven- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

Day Eight - Short term goals for this month and why.

Day Nine - Something you’re proud of in the past few days.

Day Ten - Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.

Day Eleven - Another picture of you and your friends.

Day Twelve - How you found out about blogger and why you have one.

Day Thirteen - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Day Fourteen - A picture of you and your family.

Day Fifteen - Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play.

Day Sixteen - Another picture of yourself.

Day Seventeen - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

Day Eighteen - Plans/dreams/goals you have.

Day Nineteen - Nicknames you have and why you have them.

Day Twenty - Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future.

Day Twenty one - A picture of something that makes you happy.

Day Twenty two - What makes you different from everyone else.

Day Twenty three - Something you crave for a lot.

Day Twenty four - A letter to your parents.

Day Twenty five - What I would find in your bag.

Day Twenty six - What do you think about your friends?

Day Twenty eight - A picture from you last year, and now. What has changed since then?

Day Twenty nine - In this past month, what have you learned?

Day Thirty - Your favorite song.

One Month of Blogs?! Day 1

2011-02-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, Mizz Tina... I am going to take you up on your challenge. ONE month of daily blogs. I'm very glad there are assigned topics!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Today's blog is...

"Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 Interesting Facts About You."

Who is judging how interesting these are? Hopefully, the judge is a very, very bored person and gets excited about just about everything.

1. I really enjoy (and miss) the clicking of a typewriter's keys. I wish that it was an option on a laptop, because I'd totally get it.

2. The dogs in this house all snore. Just like the owners.

3. If there is a bucket of beans or seeds or beads, you can be sure I'm gonna stick my hand in it. It feels good.

4. There is nothing a wet washcloth can't cure.

5. I have recently discovered that Hawai'an music knocks me out like Ambien. Actually, BETTER than Ambien.

6. If I'm visiting your house, and the toilet paper is not coming off the top of the roll, you can bet your sweet bippy I'm gonna fix it.

7. I cannot match my clothes. That's why I wear lots of denim or black.

8. As a woman, I find it strange and refreshing that I don't like 'love movies' very much. Gimme a shoot-'em-up, blood-and-gore movie any day.

9. My favorite color is the color of police lights, UNLESS they are behind me.

10. Know how people think certain foods are 'too sweet'? NOTHING is ever too sweet to me.

11. I cannot flippin' stand the PLOCK PLOCK PLOCK sound of a dog drinking water. It is worse than nails on a chalkboard. ACK! Even thinking about it pisses me off.

12. I often wish I had a gun that shot paintball pellets filled with hot sauce and shards of glass. I'd shoot parents who are mean to their children in Wal-Mart.

13. I'm a very picky eater and often have a pile on the edge of my plate of the things I pick out.

14. I play with my hair when I'm sleepy.

15. Few things perk up my mood like brand new, white tennis shoes.

The Pink Boots

2011-01-07T20:50:00.001-08:00

A little pair of pink boots sits atop my jewelry box. They are scuffed up and well-worn. Even though they have seen better days, that pair of pink boots with the pen marks on the inside are more valuable to me than all of the gold and diamonds in the world.
Those boots belonged to my little girl, Kasey.
I really miss her.

You see, my little three and a half year old girl died three years ago.

One sunny, October day, I had buckled my three and six year old children into their car seats and went to the store. On the way back, at about seven o'clock, a man who had been drinking way too much had broadsided our little car. Everything from that moment until the next day comes back to me in flashes, unwanted Polaroids that pop into my mind whenever they choose to visit; the cold sound of metal smacking together, my little boy screaming to me announcing Kasey's death, reciting emergency contact information to strangers, the voices of doctors, my sister's hand holding mine.

The days and weeks that passed after that day have blended in together, creating a dark chapter in my life. I couldn't tell you how many looks of pity, hugs, and casseroles I had received, but nobody was able to bring Kasey back.

I found solace in crocheting. It was a mindless, repetitive fumbling of fingers that produced something tangible. I had decided to make baby blankets for every baby born that year to my friends and family members. I made one heck of a lot of blankets.

After that year was over, along with my marriage, I realized that I needed to get back out into the world and unload some of the pain I was wearing like a wool afghan.

If you have ever met me, you know that my greatest gifts are not blankets (although I do make a very beautiful blanket), but my words. Telling our story was like sloughing off a layer of pain. The first time I spoke to a small group of DUI offenders, I felt lighter. The story I had been carrying around had taken on a life of its' own and had reached into the listeners and changed them. While it had definitely helped me, it had helped others.

Weaving yarns into something helpful and warm had given way to weaving my story into a sea change in people who had no idea what power they had when they had chosen to drink and drive. My daughter's life had taken on a new life and has become a powerful testimony.

On my first speaking engagements, the sight of that little pair of boots was so poignant and effective. After a while, I realized that my story was enough, and that I didn't have to share everything. I could share our story, I could give away blankets. However, I could keep those precious boots for myself, to cherish. They are, indeed, worth more that all the gold and diamonds in the world.

Random Crap.

2010-07-28T21:01:00.001-07:00

So, here I am, lying around doing absolutely nothing. Even my Farmville field lies fallow.

My body aches because of the multiple sclerosis (henceforth referred to as The MonSter) and I could really use a bowl of cereal and a cuppa coffee. Seriously, though, I really have no business complaining about the MonSter, because it's not like I'm using a cane or anything. I can walk and talk, I'm just TIRED and ACHEY and bitchy. 'Course, the bitchy has nothing to do with it, that bit is just part of my charm.

I believe after I do those things, I'll show y'all what I've made recently and maybe I'll even take a frickin shower.

HOLY CRAP! I dropped off a beautiful blanket and forgot to get a picture of it!!! Thank goodness for my friend Cristi, she's gonna go visit the blanket's new owner and snap a picture of it for me :)

I am getting a migraine, it hurts to turn my head. Gotta fake feeling good, though, because I'm going to a baseball game tonight. Lovely. How come all the good stuff happens when I feel like shit?

Abridged Handbook on How To Classify Insanity

2010-07-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

There are several types of crazy.

The first is bat-shit crazy. This type of person is someone you should NEVER become friends with. You should pretend you are deaf and walk away if one should ever approach you. Bat-shit crazy people will call you twenty times in the middle of the night asking you for money or to tell you about someone who is "after" her and come over crying to you with her latest drama. Bat-shit crazy people are the ones you see on the news, or yelling at cars from the side of the road. They may have started out in life just fine, but something or someone came along and royally screwed them up. Your inner Mother Theresa may beg you to love them, anyway, but stuff a sock in her mouth and throw her back in the closet. People like this are poison and are VERY contagious. Stay. The. Fuck. Away.

The second type of crazy is the good type of crazy. Goofball. When I met my best friend, Danielle, she had just smelled my then two-year-old son's head and looked around the room. "Whose kid is this? He smells good!" She then proceeded to sing into a cooking utensil. There was NO music playing. However, it didn't matter. Right then, I knew I had to be her friend. She had to be my friend. She was AWESOME!

The third type of crazy is the Dumbass. This crazy fool is the one you see getting a nutshot on America's Funnies Home Videos... On PURPOSE.

"Hey, Cletus, watch this!"

"Thud."

"Hahaha! Pull up the truck, we gotta get him stitched up again."

These are the ones who put Coca-Cola into their children's baby bottles and have forty cats.

You should generally avoid a Dumbass, as this can make other people label you as a Dumbass By Association.

***Edited to add:

I forgot to add "Bless Her Heart Crazy." That's the clueless, Golden Girls-era Betty White kind of crazy. Simple minded and 'touched.' This person is dumber than a kickstand on a tricycle. She doesn't mean any harm, she is just plain stupid, bless her heart. Being around her won't harm you, it will actually make you look even smarter and better.

What are other types of crazy?

Sabotage!

2010-04-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

Sabotage!

Sorry it's been a while, y'all. I never said I was good at consistency (or being on time, but that ain't none of your business).

At any rate, I hope you've been having a more productive day that I am.

Today at around lunch time, I was told that the black weed-preventing stuff I put down in my garden had blown all over the gosh darned place. There was a big rain and wind storm the night before last and it blew everything all to hell. I had to go pick it up and pick the metal (useless b@stards!) staples out.

I've almost finished with the crazy-colored blanket that G-Man wanted me to crochet for him. I was supposed to have finished it today, but Renee said it should be even bigger so G can wrap himself up in it. So, it'll probably be another week or so until I finish it. I like the idea of it being even bigger, though, because I don't want him to grow out of it. It is already the size of a throw, but I want him to use it when he's a teenager without his feet stickin' out of the other side of it.

In the speeches I give to the high school kids, I speak about sabotage, telling them how easy it is for them to sabotage their futures. One wrong decision can affect their entire lives.

However, there are other forms of sabotage that people do on a daily basis... For example, if I stay up late one night, I have sabotaged the next morning because I'm too doggone tired to do anything. Or, maybe I sabotaged myself by skimping on the staples for the weed-stop fabric.

How do you sabotage yourself?

Rainy Monday

2010-02-22T08:33:00.000-08:00

Today is a sick, soggy day. I feel just fine, but I am about to do some old fashioned witch doctorin' on my Kamrin. She has some sort of yuck going on, with a rattly, chesty cough, headache, fever of 101.7, and sleepy.

Whiny, too.

But, hey, aren't we all? When I'm sick, the world has to know every nuance of my aches, every update on my gastric maladies, and every bitch on my mind. When Mama's sick, EVERYONE knows about it.

I've been running ragged this past week. I'm so darn tired of drivin' around, even though I have a sweet, new ride. I did treat myself on Saturday, while I was up in Columbia for a MADD meeting. Columbia has the closest Hobby Lobby, which carries my favorite brand of yarn... it's called, "I Love This Yarn." And I certainly do.

I loaded my cart with yarns, but in this sweet little dishcloth, I used "I Love This Cotton" in Too Pink Print. It is variegated, but just look at the stripes that occurred! Bless their little hearts, those yarn makin' fools, for making miracles like this happen!

I got the pattern from http://bronsfiberstuff.typepad.com/photos/seed_stitch_crochet_dishc/100_1186.html

Well, it is time to wash up and start drivin' around again. Picking up kids, going to the doctor, getting stuff for dinner. Tonight's selection is to doctor up Miss Kamrin. Homemade vegetable soup. Got this from cooks.com:

1 lg. can V-8 juice
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can carrots
1 can green beans
1 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
2 beef bouillon cubes
2 c. water
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
2 tsp. chili powder
4 stalks celery, chopped

Add above ingredients in large pan. Bring to boil, reduce heat. Simmer 1 hour or until celery is tender.

I think I'm gonna omit the peppers and onions and substitute other veggies and onion powder, cause I'm picky like that. I'm the Queen, I'm allowed.

I'm going MADD, I tell ya!

2010-01-15T20:38:00.000-08:00

Hoooo, lawdy, it's been a long time since I've blogged.

Lots of stuff has happened, y'all. I have started a new MADD chapter here in Charleston, and I'm still in the process of getting it off the ground. I've been on the news a couple times, too. I'm famous, but not for witnessing tornadoes in the trailer park. I want EVERYONE to know what I'm up to (as far as that goes, not for the common whoredom) and I wanna beg for minions... er... volunteers. I am damn near perfect, but I can't do all this myself. Shoot.

Now that I think about it, I betcha if the cops and Waffle House cooperated, we'd round up almost all of the potential drunk drivers every night at about two thirty a.m.

Next week, I have a meet'n with the MADD lady from the state office. She is really cool, for a Yankee, but I ain't gonna fault her for that. She didn't choose to be born way up there.

There will be a couple of other volunteers there, hopefully, that I will be able to meet. It is exciting to see my goes come to fruition, and WOW, what a way to honor my babygirl! I really think that the good Lord has put me on the path I need to be on. He's given me the gift of gab, that's for sure, and that comes in very handy nowadays. I just wish I hadn't lost it for the past nine years...

Holy crap, NINE years. Bless my poor soul, can you even believe it's been that long??? Happy anniversary, thanks for the memories...

Reclaiming myself

2009-06-06T18:44:00.000-07:00

Having a hacker for an ex-husband had kinda ruined my appetite for blogging, so I've been MIA for a while.
In TN, a divorce can become final in three months.
Well, ten months later, I'm still not all the way divorced. Ugh. I hate the waiting, but I have to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It just better not be a train.

We have court on Monday. Everyone thinks I will be able to move back home to SC then, but after all of the blows I've received in the past few years, I have learned not to get my hopes up.

I bet I can be a damn good country song writer. Lost my husband, my dog, my sanity... Watch out, Taylor Swift!

I'm scared to wonder what life has in store for me at this point, but I have to know that it will be better. Some fine man is gonna love him some me and whisk me away and make me remember how lovable I am. He will be beside me, not in front or behind. He will love to be with me and not run away from me.

For now, I am packing *just in case* the judge feels sorry enough for me to let me leave. I'm so darn sick of packing and moving and unpacking, but I know I will not have to do this nearly as much as before.

Well, I'm off to do something a little more productive. Like bed. Or eating chocolate.

Oh, and by the way...

Bye Bye Love

2008-09-06T19:10:00.001-07:00

I never thought this would happen, not in a million years. I never thought this would happen because I chose to pretend that my marriage was better than it was.

Everyone I knew, my whole family, saw how bad Nick was as a husband. He didn't like my family, he didn't treat me as an equal. He never confided in me and often stayed away in order to avoid me.
How's THAT for rejection?

So, on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008, my bubble was burst. In hindsight, it wasn't really a big surprise. I saw my world crumbling around me, but tried so hard to remain hopeful that something would suddenly change.

I had just gotten out of the shower and heard the doorbell. I threw on Nick's robe and ran to answer the door. When I opened the door, there was a strange man who served me with divorce papers.

Divorce papers.

It hasn't even been a year since Kasey was taken from us. How could Nick even think about doing that? What made him decide to kill our marriage? Why NOW?

I am still waiting for my disability to be approved. I have zero income, zero savings. Nick has not allowed me to be on his bank account for years. As of this minute, he won't even give me gas money.

He says evil, cruel, mean things to me. Garrett and Kamrin see how Nick treats me and I think that knowing that they could learn from Nick breaks my heart. I don't want them to think that it is okay to treat ANYONE that way.

I'm devastated, sad, and broken. I've gone through too much too soon. Garrett and Kamrin both have had really bad times this past year and this is the last thing they need. Nick refuses marital counseling, and he doesn't even want to discuss anything emotional. He won't even try to keep Garrett's parents together. In my opinion, the fact that he refuses to even try shows me how selfish he is.

I think right now that his heart is cold and black. He treated me badly before Kasey passed away, but in the past two months, since he moved Garrett and I up here to TN, he's become a monster.

It is not fair. Many people make poor choices in their lives and have to live with the results. I have made great decisions in my life. I am a good person and do my best to treat others the way I want them to treat me. None of the problems I am having now have anything to do with the path I have chosen in life.

I did not choose to get MS.

I did not choose to lose my beautiful, sweet, crazy baby girl.

I did not choose to have my son see his broken sister lay dead across his lap.

I did not mistreat my husband, I tried my best to make him happy. I never even dreamed of cheating on him. I truly love him and have never wanted to look at another man since I met him. I gave up my job, my home, and everything I'd ever known just to be with him.

Nick told me he doesn't love me. He said I disgust him. He said he can't stand the sound of my voice. He has repeatedly told me to leave.

All he wanted to do was move us up here so that he could divorce me and get custody of Garrett.
He denies this, says that he never intended for this to happen. How can I believe him, though? Nothing that he says anymore is believable and he's hurt me so deeply that I just can't forgive him.

Now he has to live with the choices he has made.

He chose to crush my heart, a heart that is already broken from losing our sweet Kasey.

He chose to deny marriage counseling.

He chose to break up Garrett and Kamrin's stable home.

Someday I will look back on our marriage and wonder why I ever stayed with him for so long. I might even wonder why I married him at all.

I will never stop loving him, but now it is time for me to love myself enough to let go and do what I need to do to survive. I have lived through much worse than this, and I will come out of this stronger and wiser. I will make sure that Garrett and Kamrin know that they are loved, safe, and stable.

My family is my strength now and I am forever grateful. I'm so devastated and weak, but my family and friends are rallying around me and will help me get back on my feet emotionally.

Someday someone will appreciate what a great person I am and will love me unconditionally. Until then, Kelly has to stay strong and take care of herself and let others help.

I love my friends and family and there are no words to express how grateful I am to know they are in my corner.

I think I have run out of things to say right now, but I have so much more to add later.

Not the greatest day ever...

2008-01-23T18:29:00.000-08:00

I had gone to a counselor twice, but was not happy w/the service. I just felt like I got way better therapy from talking to you girls and my irl friends and blogging.

I'm still all kinds of screwed up, despite appearances. So, I made an appt. with a psychologist instead of a counselor.

I went today and all he did was go over my meds and I got my test results from a previous round of testing I had at the same office several months ago.
THEN at the end of the session, the dr. asked me, "So, do you plan on getting therapy or counseling?"
I looked at him and told him, "Uh, that is kinda why I am here.....?"

He told me that he only went over meds. That visit, which was horribly not necessary, cost $195 because my insurance refused to pay for that for some reason.

The test results from that testing I mentioned.... Suggested I possibly had a lesion in my frontal lobe which is interfering with my ability to remember shit or something. The MS... it eated mah brain.
The test was performed before the accident, but I just hadn't gotten around to getting the results until now. Oh, and my IQ is 124. That's good, it means I'm not a total

And one final note... Nick just left and he will be gone for about two weeks or more, we aren't sure of when he'll be able to come home again. I am not happy, but I go through him leaving like twice a month, so I'm used to it. It just sucks.

One step forward, three steps back.

2008-01-14T21:33:00.000-08:00

First, the lighter stuff...

The more I get accomplished, the worse things look around here.

I've been decluttering, but I don't really think you can tell it. People don't normally look inside closets. At least, they better not.

I've been making it a point to systematically declutter this house. I cleared out under the main bathroom's sink, the linen closet, the playroom (which needs to have shelves hung so I can finish), and next will be Garrett's room. Ugh, just the thought of that makes me tired.

The sucksuck part of all of this is that despite the clutter cleanup, I still have to keep up with the everyday stuff. It is daunting, y'all. It really is. I'm much too lazy for this crap.

And now, the not-so-light stuff...

My mom, the lovely person that she is, decided to piss me off the other day.

She got Garrett all excited about going to see a movie with her, Joshua, and I.
We were supposed to go on Saturday, but something happened and Mom had to reschedule for Sunday afternoon.

Garrett was a little let down, but he instead began looking forward to going Sunday.

Well, I talked to mom at one p.m. on Sunday afternoon, when she got home from church. I told her the movie started at 4:20 pm and she was still gung-ho about it. We agreed that she would be here by 3:45pm and would ride w/us to the theater.

The whole time we waited, Garrett would ask what time it was and how much longer we had to wait. I'm tellin' y'all, he asked EVERY. FIVE. MINUTES.

Give a mama a break, son.

Ok, so 3:45 rolls around and the phone rings. I answered it before I looked at the caller ID and it was Mom. I asked where she was, and she nonchalantly replied that she was at home.

WHAT?!?!

I asked her why she was still home, and I could tell she was eating. She said, "Well, I had to feed my family."
I mentioned the fact that she had told Garrett and I that we were going out to the movies and asked her why she would do that to him.
"I don't have any money, " she replied.

I told her that I was going to pay for it.

She said she just wasn't going.

I was simmering by then and told her to tell Garrett that she had decided not to go and handed the phone to him.
OK, Garrett is six years old and just got stood up by his grandmother. Do you THINK he'd be polite and respectful? He had every right NOT to be, but he still had the innocent 'ma-ma, why aren't you coming' tone to his voice.
Mom then started accusing him of "Being Ugly." That's southern slang for mouthing off for those who don't know. She also asked him why don't we just come over there instead.
He said, "Ma-ma, I'm not being ugly. I don't want to come to your house, we are supposed to go to the movies."
Mom replied that he sounded like he was being ugly.
By then, I'm boiling.

I took the phone out of his hand and said that he wasn't "Being Ugly" and that I would take him to the movies myself, thankyouverymuch. I then hung up.

Fast forward to today.
Mom calls and starts chatting away like nothing ever happened. I stopped the bullshit by telling her, "Mom, I have to tell you, I'm still upset about yesterday."

She said, "I know."

"First, you flake out on us without warning and then you accuse him of talking smack to you?"

She insisted that he WAS using an inappropriate tone of voice to her and I cut her off. I said, "You STOOD HIM UP, and you expect him to be polite and kiss your ass?"

That's when she said she wasn't going to talk about that anymore and we hung up on each other.

Ok, if I didn't already have bad memories of Mom breaking promises to me when I was growing up, I wouldn't be so angry. Mom is a good person, but she does have her faults. She made LOTS of promises that she didn't keep and didn't seem to care about who she let down. You don't make promises to a child and not try your hardest to keep them.
Why didn't she just TELL US when she got home from church that she was too tired to go out again? Why did she let us wait, get his hopes up, and then act like it wasn't a big deal?

It was a very big deal to Garrett. He was excited about it and Mom got mad because he was unhappy about being stood up.

From now on, I'm going to do my best to make sure she doesn't invite him to anything or promise him anything. She has a history of not coming through and I don't want him to think that he can't count on her.

I don't know what I'm asking for. I just really want her to see that she hurt his feelings by flaking out on him. It isn't OK for her to do that to him. What do you think?

Have I Been Demoted?

2008-01-09T18:50:00.000-08:00

I was once a mother of two.

Then, I was demoted.

I don't quite fit in where I used to. I have lots of sage advice for the mom who is having a second child, but I hold back because that would mean I'd have to bring up Kasey. When I bring her up, I instantly receive pity.

Sometimes, I *do* want pity. I need the hug. Other times, though, I want to feel normal again. I want to pretend that nothing happened so I can escape reality.

It is much harder to relate to people now. People don't know what to say, or are too afraid to say the wrong thing.

I want her back. I want my son to have a sister to fight with and tattletale on. I want my husband to be happy again. I want to be happy again.

Every now and then, please treat me like I was before the demotion. The demolition. The demon.

Every once in a while, call to check on me. Tell me a joke, because I need the smile. Tell me how you feel about what happened. Talk to me without worrying how I'll react. If what you say isn't welcome, don't worry. I'm unafraid to tell you to stop talking. I'm just afraid you won't talk.

The Epiphany of The Bad Gifter

2008-01-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like ass.

I'm going to the doctor, as I am not sure exactly what is wrong with me.

So, feel sorry for me and give me loves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now, The Epiphany of The Bad Gifter.

I am the worst gifter in the world.
The massaging car seat cover? I bought that for you.
The ashtray that says "No Smoking." Yeah, that was me.

If I draw your name on Christmas, or if I am showing up for your birthday party, please learn the polite, "Wow, how nice" and the fake smile. You'll need it.

I never have a good idea what to get people. Frantically, I walk up and down the aisles of a department store and grasp for anything I can find. Costume jewelry? Fuzzy socks? Mysterious gadget?

Sure, but where do the batteries go?

So, I end up leaving with a gift I know you wouldn't like. I wrap it with my head hanging in shame. I know you won't like it, but it is all I have to offer.

BUT...

Last week (conveniently the week after Christmas, go figure), though, I had an epiphany.

The key to buying a good present is to PRETEND YOU ARE THE GIFTEE. (is that a word?) If you put yourself in the gift recipient's shoes and picture what they would actually want... you are more likely to get that person a GOOD GIFT.

No more Chia Pets.
No more giant remote controls.
No more joke presents.

If I have any doubt in my mind after this, you're getting a gift card.

Eat Grow Bitch

2008-01-02T19:28:00.000-08:00

I was reading a popular blog about someone who was reading the book

and the blogger had posted a question that the book posed.

What is your word?

What one word describes you?

Considering all the bad things that have been happening lately, I was thinking of a depressing word. Like Survivor. Or Browbeaten.

I couldn't think of one, so for lack of better judgment, I decided to call my Mom

and ask her.

It took her a while to understand, but after explaining it to her, she gave me my word.

Precious.

Seriously, that really creeps me out. I guess it could be worse. She could have said ugly, unwanted, stinky, etc. She loves me.

On another note, I went to the eye doctor today and got my eyes dilated. I looked like I dropped acid or something, my pupils were huuuuge.

When you leave after having your pupils dilated, you are typically given those blind person glasses. You know the ones I'm talking about. I'm sure your grandmother had them to wear in the car. I looked like Willie Wonka in the TV room.

I rocked those shades.

*~*~*~*

What is YOUR word?

When Dumb Girls Go Bad

2008-01-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was messing around on the computer and had my Yahoo! messenger on.

All of a sudden, I got a friend request from someone I had gone to high school with. Someone I had never talked to b/c our social classes were different... she was rich and blonde and preppy

and I was an art club/journalism nerd.

I was wondering why the hell she'd IMed me, and how she found me, and asked her. She apparently was bored and asked who I still talked to from high school. Um... I graduated in 1993 and seriously don't give a flying rat's ass about high school anymore.

She is single and has no children. She said she just got hooked up to the internet. I asked her, "What, do you live in a cave?"

She, we will call her "RWG" from now on (rich white girl) then told me she had just moved back into the area and that's why she is just now getting online. I asked where she'd been and was it for work. RWG said she had been to CA and FL and things didn't work out, so she had to come back home.

I asked her what she did for work, thinking that RWG, being rich and popular, would be a professional and that I would hate her.

RWG is a stripper.

With fake tits.

Oh, and did I mention, she's bisexual and thought I was cute in high school?

I told her thank you and that I'm very flattered, but I don't swing that way.

I have to admit, it was funny, and all nerds love to hear about preppies who turned out badly. Sure, my life isn't all wine and roses, but how would you feel if someone in a clique who shunned 'your kind' didn't end up being the doctor or lawyer or rich socialite you expected them to be? Instead, she was human, with human problems, who was apparently lonely enough to tell the intimate details of her life to someone she never gave a second glance.

I feel bad for RWG. At first, I was delighted by the fact that she had turned out to be every parent's nightmare. Then, I figured out that despite the money and the naturally blonde hair (which costs a lot of money to duplicate, I'm a hater), she was normal. What happened in her life that caused her to turn out the way she did?

I was a nerd and didn't feel good enough to be with people like RWG and her friends. In my school, nerds knew better than to talk to preps or jocks. It was like an unspoken rule. I was SO glad when I graduated so that I didn't have to be in those restricting social classes, I didn't have to be terrified of taking lunch because what if I didn't have anyone to eat lunch with? I never got invited to the parties that RWG attended.

The guys in RWG's clique never asked me out on dates and I knew better than to flirt with them because I knew I'd be rejected.

Has something like this ever happened to you? Have you ever run across someone from your school days who was way different than you expected them to be?
Did you turn out like you expected yourself to be?