I'd Forgotten What I'd Been Looking For

From Dani The Great, a suggestion on a blog topic:

"Beginning and sustaining a relationship while maintaining a challenging illness."

FIRST of all, this is one hell of a challenge, because I write SOUTHERN HUMOR-type blogs. This topic sounds about as funny as a root canal.

At any rate, I view this as a challenge. So, here goes:

___________________

So, I met this dude...

...when I was a baby.

Our fathers once worked together and our parents were friends with each other.

I hung around his sister because we were in the same grade. I had no idea that he was actually my age, and the sister was older than me. So, I viewed him as 'my friend's annoying little brother.'

Fast-forward to modern times...

I added him on Facebook and then pretty much ignored him. I remembered him as he was when he was a little boy and hadn't seen him since WELL before puberty.

He messaged me a few times, etc., but nothing much came of it.

One day, my WONDERFUL friend, who knows this guy well, told me to give him a chance. I resisted a bit, but gave in.

WTF was I thinking when I was ignoring him all this time?!

He took me out on an amazing, romantic first date and we hit it off instantly. That poor guy, he's not gonna be able to get rid of me. He's been claimed. And, I suspect, he's pretty damn OK with it. He's already been to my family reunion AND met Dani The Great, and he hasn't run off screaming into the night, so he's not easily scared off.

That said...

He had no idea I have Multiple Sclerosis before we went out. And, frankly, I had to ask him (Hereby referred to as 'Hot Mess', a name my MADD BFFs have coined for him, because they think he's hot and has to put up with my mess) when and how he found out about the MS. His reaction was so minimal that I didn't even remember telling him.

He told me that, as long as I take my meds, he's totally cool with it all. He even said he'd take care of me if it ever came to that.

Considering the fact that I needed a cane to walk about two months ago and quickly eliminated my use/need for said cane, I don't foresee me needing ANYONE to take care of me ANYTIME soon. I'm much too stubborn and independent for that crap. Also, as I've said to more than one person... There is a lot to be said for prayer and steroids.

It's nice to have someone to remind me to take my meds, though, as I tend to be a forgetful soul.

What was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah...

Hot Mess.

As much as I hold dear my ability to rely on myself, I have to admit that it's awful damn nice to have someone to lean on in my dark, weak moments. I'm not sure humans, in general, are meant to walk this world alone. I have a big ass load to carry (y'all don't be thinking I'm talking about my ACTUAL ASS, smartasses) and having someone to help me tote all this is pretty sweet.

My basic take on the whole thing is this:

If someone TRULY cares about you, it doesn't matter WHAT is wrong with you. All that person sees is what is RIGHT with you.

Fat, Happy, and F F F Freezing!

I can never manage to get my pool all the way clear, no matter what I try.

However, today, I got it as clear as I could today, and Garrett and I decided to jump in.



HOLY CRAP, THAT WATER IS STILL COLD!!!



Even Garrett got right back out, and that says a lot! That kid will swim in water til he gets hypothermia. Boys always act like they aren't cold, anyway. It's how they show toughness, I guess. Either way, he lasted about ten minutes in the pool and declared he'd rather watch TV.

Taking advantage of the fact that I already had my suit on, I decided to lay out and get some good ole' Vitamin D. It felt good, and it was pretty relaxing. I started thinking, though...

A lot of commercials talk about "fitting into your bikini for summer." I have a bikini. I can fit into it.
The thing I would be most concerned about is how many children would run away from me, screaming, covering their eyes. haha




Screw this, I'm going to go watch TV.

The price of beauty. About 14 bucks.

Lately I've been broke. And, by 'lately', I mean for the last few years.

This past year, however, I had been splurging on getting blonde foil highlights.

They looked pretty damn good. I miss them.
It took almost $200 each time to get that done. Not anyone can pull off blonde highlights on hair that's almost black, not without making the hair look like red Georgia clay.

HOWeverrrr... I don't really have the funds for such a splurge, so I had to resort to doing them myself at home and getting Supercuts haircuts.

Yes, I am still pouting.

At any rate, here I sit with "Step Two" in my hair. I did the all-over color day before yesterday and I'm just getting around to doing the highlights. Damn, how I miss going to Stella Nova.


I have a few more minutes to go, but I know it won't be that fabulous blonde that only the expert stylist can achieve. I just don't have that luxury this week.
I had to do SOMETHING, since my grays were staring back at me in the mirror.

I was just thinking... Isn't it funny how long women take to put on their makeup, to achieve the 'natural look'?

Anyway, I just got out of the shower and dried my hair. Meh. Nothing like mousy brown with streaks of Georgia clay.


Guess I'll have to go to Maybelline and get my 'natural face' on.

Day 29/30: In This Past Month, What Have You Learned, and What Is Your Favorite Song?

So, it has taken me two flippin' months to do a 30 day challenge.

I have learned nothing important.

I already knew I was a professional procrastinator.



I have learned that my fake nails are entirely too long and it has been seriously affecting my typing speed.



And so... for your listening pleasure... a song for people who procrastinate... Loser... LOL!

There's no 27, so...

Since in my original '30 Days Of Blogs' had no number 27, I'm gonna just ignore it.

So... I'm gonna do this one:
Day Twenty eight - A picture from you last year, and now. What has changed since then?

Last year, I was about ten pounds lighter. So, yeah... I'm not a fan of that topic, either.

Today's a dud. Maybe I shouldn't be blogging at near midnight after a looooong day. I'm gonna have to sleep on this...

Day 26: What Do I Think About My Friends?

My friends are very patient folk.



I often flake out on stuff bc of laziness or health or just forgetting all about what I was supposed to be doing.

This morning, I flaked out on a lunch with the girls because I fell asleep. I really missed out bc those chicks be CRAZY! They are fun people. I'm blessed, even though I'm sure they talked much smack about me while I was lyin around on my big ass.


Speaking of forgetfulness...

I think I can honestly blame this one on the MS attack and the meds I'm taking for it. I forgot my beloved pockabook at the barber shop yesterday.



At first, I was afraid I had left it at the park. You never know what kind of people are hanging around in parks... creepy dog walkers, hiking hippies, perverts, perverted hiking hippie dogs...

However, my very smart boyfriend, X (pictured below in all his smart-ness)


was pretty sure of himself that I had actually left it at the barber shop. But, when I had finally figured out my pockabook was missing, it was after it had done closed and I had to flippin' wait.

So, this morning at 7:56, I called up to the barber shop and Lo and Behold, my purse was there! Yay!
Now Mama can git her nails did...

Day 25: What You Would Find In My Bag

Day 24: A Letter To Your Parents

Dear Parents,

I will address y'all separately, since you divorced when I was nine and y'all never really got along before OR after...

Daddy:
I really miss you. I wish you didn't smoke so damn much, because you'd probably still be here.
I should have listened to you on more than one occasion, you were always a better judge of character than me. I always tried too hard to see the good in people. You knew that looking THAT hard always meant there was too much bad stuff over it.

You taught me what a real man was supposed to act like and you always had awesome friends. As a matter of fact, I'm still friends with YOUR friends. They are really good people. Sometimes, they even look out for me. I wonder if you told them to?

Anyways, have fun with Kasey and give her a kiss for me. I miss y'all way too much than normal, but that's just because I love you.

Mom:
You are one crazy old broad.
That's probably why I love you so much.
You taught me the importance of family and that we should defend each other til the end. You never gave up on me.

Mom, you gave me a heart of gold. You showed me by example that helping others fills your heart and gives life meaning.

You are definitely more than meets the eye. You came from a rough life and became a great mother and a great friend.

Take good care of yourself, because I still need you around.

Love,
Kelly

p.s. I'm sorry for ages 2-23. I was such an asshole.

Day 23: Something I Crave A Lot

I'm a fat, middle-aged woman... what do you THINK I'd crave?

Food and sex.

In that order.

Don't combine both, though, because I'm liable to bite something that should not be bitten.

Day 22: What Makes Me Different From Everyone Else

Short. Gap-toothed. Hearty laugh.

Crazy in a few different ways.



Spontaneous, perverted personality (that one was from my niece, Shelby.)

Normal is boring. So, I doubt very much that I'm boring. I'm not exactly Mizz Excitement, either.



I'm pretty sure I haven't embraced my age, yet. I'm 35 years old, but I certainly don't act it (ignore the crocheting part).



I have been through some pretty hairy situations and have endured things that many people haven't (thankfully, rather me than them). However, I keep on keepin' on and manage to stay grounded.
Sometimes I try to be normal, but other times I try like hell NOT to be normal. Sometimes I'm pretty dang proud of myself. while other times I reign myself in and remember I need to be humble.

I'm an individual. Nobody is exactly like me. I like it that way.

Other than that, I can't think of much else. What makes you different?

Day 21: A Picture Of Something That Makes Me Happy

OF FRICKIN' COURSE, you know my kids make me happy. That's a given. I mean, being given the opportunity to pass on my AWESOMENESS DNA to a living being? Do whaaaa?



What else makes me happy?

Yarn.



Lots and lots of yarn!!!



I love yarn so much that I'd even drive this



And my tattoo artist really, really wants me to get a crochet tattoo (but where to put it???)




I love making things for other people. Not everyone appreciates (or knows) how much time goes into each item I make, and I know it's not the most exciting thing in the world to do... I mean, have you EVER heard, "I wanna do something AWESOME today! You wanna go skydiving, bungee jumping, or make THIS..."



At any rate, it's a hobby. Hobbies can be relaxing and fulfilling. Finishing a project and being proud of what I made is so rewarding. I'm so blessed that I have the ability to create. So what if I'm not Da Vinci or Martha. I can crochet something to keep your head warm (or anything else you want to keep warm, seriously. They have patterns for EVERYTHING...)

I can be completely broke, yet whip up a gift that you will be able to use or display or whatever you want to do with it... I have a YARN STASH!

*

(wait, how did she get in there again???)





*note: this is not my yarn stash. I wanted that yarn stash until I started wondering how much of that naked lady had touched the yarn, so I cannot possibly want it any more.

**another note: please buy me more yarn.

Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future

Well, today has been filled with text message from my ex (business only, of course). Therefore, today's blog topic doesn't thrill me much.

We all know I've met a wonderful man. I'm keeping him.
The problem is, what if he turns into my ex? :::shudder::: Nah, I don't think he will...

I've been getting quite a bit done today. I was going to go back to bed after I got the kids off to school, but I went walking with my neighbor instead. There's something about a good walk in the morning that does a body good.

When I got home, my blood was already pumping. I chose to utilize this rare energy and de-furred my living room and shined my sink (a la FlyLady).

I'm giving myself the night off from cooking. Tonight is cereal or Ramen night.

Day 19: Nicknames you have and why you have them

What do YOU think my nickname is???

Day Eighteen: Plans/dreams/goals I have.

can I pass on this one? lol

The ones I have aren't big ones. I am thinking more like FlyLady stuff... cleaning and decluttering.
That was plans and goals, and is probably just a dream...

Day Seventeen - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

I'd love to switch lives with a hot, rich dude. I'd be shopping and touching myself all day long!!! hahahaha

And to entertain your brains, here are some hot, rich dudes...








Who is YOUR man candy?

Day 16: Another Picture of Yourself

This is the old Kelly.

The one who thought her marriage was just fine. The one who wondered why she had to walk so fast to catch up to him, why he held Garrett's hand and left me behind.

This is the Kelly who thought it was normal for life to be the way it was.

This is the Kelly who was still in shock from losing Kasey, who had no idea why the decline of life as she knew it was so obvious to everyone else but her.

I wish I could have told her to RUN!!!

Now that I've gotten through so many rough things, the New Kelly isn't as affected by things so much anymore. Sure, I have my days, but things that really screw up other people don't bother me nearly as much. I've been through worse.

Not many people love themselves. I used to hate myself. But, the things I've gone through in the past five years have made me see myself for who I really am.

I am more than my lack of makeup, my big head, my Martin Nose, and the gap in between my front teeth.

I'm a survivor. I'm broken, but I am still here. I am loved. I am hurting. I am smart. I am scared. I'm not your average woman, but I'm completely normal. I'm probably one of the most sane people you'll ever meet, but I'm crazy as hell.

I'm far from perfect. I get jealous, I screw up, I gossip, and I eat and sleep way too much. I'm human. I'm also funny, have a heart of gold, and make great things happen.

Do you love YOURSELF?

Day 15: Put Your iPod On Shuffle: First 10 Songs That Play

Okay, I have to admit a deep, dark secret... One that I'm awfully ashamed of...

I

Don't

Own

an iPod.

BUT WAIT! I do have iTunes on my MacBook, that counts! If I want to listen to music while I'm out and about, I just put Pandora on my phone and stick my earphones in.

I'm going to look at my iTunes, though... Here goes:
Darius Rucker's Learn To Live album
Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews Band
Sattellite by Dave Matthews Band
Sleeping To Dream by Jason Mraz
Gravity by John Mayer
I'm Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer
Straight To Hell by Matt Nathanson
Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson
Sober by P!nk
Glitter In The Air by P!nk

Not much in the way of variety, now that I look at it. Oh, well.

I've skipped a few days. Haven't been in the best of moods, either. My son was at his dad's, and while I enjoyed the break, I miss the FOOL out of him. I was also the only one in the house because my sister and niece were in Atlanta (niece is one of those competition cheerleaders and they had a competition) and Kamrin was hanging out at her bestfriend's house.

It was just too dang quiet.

I DID, however, do a sh!t-ton of laundry and crocheting. Plenty of sleeping, as well. I could have done more, but there really wasn't anyone around to motivate me. I am terrible at self-motivation unless I'm working.
Oh, and I went to Kamrin's first softball tournament of the season. That was a long day, but it was pretty fun. I love watching that girl catch a softball and swing a bat.

Anyway, that's it for now. :)
.....AND NOW FOR SOME BREAST HAT...

Day 14: A Picture of You and Your Family

I have a LOT of family. So, here are a few pictures...

Me and the Earth kids:


My Heaven kid:


***

Mom (see where I get the crazy from?):



***

Daddy:



***
Sister:


***

Brother:


***

I have nephews, nieces, in-laws... you name it. However, this post would be fifty pages long if I posted them, but I hope they know that I love them ALL!


All I know is, families are forever and everyone thinks they are the only normal one in their family. Hell, I know *I* am...

Day 13: A Letter To Someone Who Has Hurt You Recently

For real?!

This cannot end well.

I have to admit, that past this sexy exterior, I'm easily hurt. Then, I get mad. Real mad. Usually, if I lash out at someone, it's because I got my feelings hurt. I'm pretty much like an injured animal that way, I guess.

"Don't try to pick it up, it'll give you rabies!"
"What do I do, then? I just can't let it suffer! I have to help it!"
"Reverse, gas. Drive, gas. Repeat if necessary."




Then, I buy myself something.

Today, I bought myself some tulips and stuck em in a mason jar. That's just good decoratin'.

What do you do when someone hurts your feelings? Do you sit there and feel sorry for yourself? Or, do you do something about it? Do you kick someone's ass, or do you puff up and walk away?

Day 12: How You Found Out About Blogger and Why You Have One

I have a LiveJournal, but I like Blogger better.

This assignment was boring.

Day 11: Another Picture of You and Your Friends

Okay, I am unhappy with today's assignment.

However, I will still do it, but with a twist... The first one with me and a friend will get posted, no shopping through them.
this WILL be fair.




Awesome!

This makes me pretty excited for the Flowertown Festival! You ready, Cilla?!

Day Ten - Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.

I'm super tired, so let's see if I can still crank this out...

When I am happy, I like Matt Nathanson, some newer country, and Dum Dum by Brenda Lee.



Sad:



Bored... I'll listen to pretty much anything when I'm bored.



When I'm hyped, I'll listen to heavy metal or stuff I can dance to.

When I'm mad, I listen to



I've had a pretty good day, except I finally got my MRI results. I was diagnosed with MS in November of '06. I had ONE lesion in my brain.
Now, I have FOUR.

They aren't active lesions, they are just... there.

This ain't good, it's pretty heavy stuff. I know that whatever happens, happens. It's sobering, though, because I have a lot of really good days when I feel just great and it's easy to forget that I have a disease. Days like this, it's REAL.
I'll be fine, I just have to digest it.

Day 9: Something I'm Proud Of In The Past Few Days

I've been trying to get a better handle on my messy house. That in itself is a feat of epic proportions.

Also, last night I made dinner for the missionaries. I didn't have time to actually cook, so I relied on good ole' Mrs. Mac and, I'm ashamed to say, INSTANT mashed potatoes. I'm going to kitchen hell for that one.

(Every Southern Woman prides herself on her home cookin'. I am not about to say I'm a bad cook, but I'm picky as hell and always in a hurry. Not a good combination. Also, NEVER, EVER, under ANY circumstances, criticize a woman's ability to cook. That's right up there with saying, "Yep, that dress DOES make your butt look big.")

To reiterate:
Don't call a woman a bad cook. If it's burnt or flavorless, shut up and eat it with a smile.

Don't call a woman fat. If she sets the trap and says, "I'm fat," DENY DENY DENY!!!)

Can you picture me on Iron Chef? With my packets of mashed potato flakes and canned green beans?
I'd be worried as hell about whatever that "Secret Ingredient" would be, because there's no Hamburger Helper for squid.

Anyway, enjoy this video... and try not to say "Beeyeeeerrrrrr!!!" out loud too much today. Or... actually, DO.

Day 8: Short Term Goals For This Month and Why

I don't have very lofty goals for this month, but here's a short list:

1. Do this 30 day blog

2. Make a few more of the CUTEST newborn/preemie hats like pictured above

3. Walk a little bit more than I eat

4. Work on my patience

5. Be more frugal

6. Make more friggin hats. I'm up to my ears in hats and still have lots more to do.

I'm realizing that hobbies are only fun when you want to do them, not when you have to do them...

Nighttime

It is really hard to do the victims impact panels sometimes.
I'm so emotionally spent right now, and the emotions are swimming around inside my head and I need to let them out.

Tonight, I made the mistake of watching Kasey's video before my speech. I usually speak first and then play the video. I was so hypnotized by how beautiful and special my little girl was. I couldn't stop staring at her. I've always thought she was such a pretty little girl, but tonight.... she was beautiful.

Sigh...

Time for bed.

Day 7: A Picture of Someone/Something That Has The Biggest Impact On Me

Seriously?

You have no clue what has impacted me the most?

OF COURSE, it's Kasey. It is really, really hard to share her story with everyone, but it would be way harder NOT to share her story.

I miss her every second of every minute of every day. I remember how her soft, curly hair felt on my face, how she held her hands out for me to paint her fingernails.

I'm also going to mention my biggest influence...

Daddy

He was a gruff, no-nonsense man with a heart of gold. Whenever I get into my victim, poor-Kelly state of mind, I can hear him telling me to quit my whining and do something about it.

He is the only man I could ever (and will ever) trust.

Standing at a towering 5'4" and weighing in at 136 lbs., he was afraid of no one and never minced words. He was absolutely NEVER politically correct and didn't give a damn about what anyone else thought.

If I run into someone that I knew was a friend of Daddy, I know they are 'good people.' Gary Martin was an excellent judge of character and didn't clutter his life with people who weren't worth his time.

When I worked with him at Bosch, my main motivation for working my ass off was to impress my father. And I did. There was no way in hell I'd embarrass him or give anyone a reason to tell him I wasn't up to par. I wanted him to be proud of me. There was nothing more important that that.

I think I need to remind myself that he's still watching over me and that I need to, as he would say, get my ass in gear.

LOVE YOU, Daddy.

Day 6: Favorite Superhero and Why

I'm not much of a comic book *nerd. So, I actually had to wiki the term 'superheroes.'

After looking through all the choices, I chose one that I didn't need to wiki at all... Spiderman.

I think he's just your average dork with a crush on a pretty girl. I like that, because I don't want some rich asshole running around in tights (i.e. Batman.) If I wanted that, I'd pick Elton John.

Good ole Peter Parker (whose name makes me giggle) was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was bitten by a spider and voila! He can shoot stuff out of his palm and swing around everywhere. If his superhero gig doesn't end up working out, I'm sure he can get a job at Barnum & Bailey as an acrobat. Or, he could just weave up some safety nets.

Cool tattoo in

3...

2...

1...

*I actually love nerds.

Day 5: A Picture of Somewhere I've Been

Oh, where, Oh, where have I been?

As I'm much too lazy to actually find the real pictures of said places, I will use good ole Photobucket...

My absolute favorite place is Pike's Market in Seattle.

Yes, that's the place where the dudes throw the fish

I've been to the butthole of the world, Allentown, PA...

My favorite place in the world... MAINE!